So I'm supposed to be doing homework right now; however, I just want to share a few things I learned this last week in school.
First, I should warn you - I am taking a Marriage and Family Class.
I learned that is is hard to define a family nowadays. To be honest, it was easier to define a family 50 years ago but it still did not include everything that was really going on in the homes in America. I knew, from other classes on this topic, that it was almost impossible to define what a family is. In this class we watched a Lifetime Series on what a family is. As you would expect nowadays, there was a lesbian family raising a child. Not so expected for me was the single Father who adopted, the single mother who choose to get pregnant through the help of technology, and the couple well into their fifties starting a family. I was shocked when I realized as I watched this that the latter two were the ones that bothered me the most. The older father saying that they will have a good twenty years to raise their boys. He was 55 when their twin boys were born. I definitely think we are supposed to create families. However, I have cared for parents (and now grandparents) and I wanted to yell at the screen and tell him he was robbing his children of memories that all other children get. Granted, some parents die young, but if he is starting his family now he may rob his children of having their parents at their weddings, or many years of important advice, welcome or unwelcome, from their parents. How could they be so selfish to think that 20-30 years is long enough for their children to need a parent. Then I thought back to a person I knew in San Diego who was raised by an older father and the things he went through being twenty and having to take care of him. He lost his mother when he was even younger, it was just him and his dad, and he lacked a lot of people skills. Yes, I know there are a lot of people who lack skills, but I just felt for my friend. (This is why my classes stress knowing our own hang-ups now so they don't get in the way of social work later.) The single mother got to me because I'm such an advocate for adoption and children needing a father and a mother. I think what shocked me the most was how comfortable I was with the Lesbian couple. I think it had a lot to do with how they presented it as a couple working together to raise their daughter. Additionally, the child's biological dad was highlighted as very active in her life.
Next I relearned that boundaries for children are important. The way the authors paint the picture it is a balancing act between too much and too little. Boundaries are defined by how much freedom or choice you give your children. Or even who you let come over or what they watch. I kind of fantasize about the whole idea of finding the perfect balance in everything I do. So knowing that each person and family is different, and that each family has to find their own balance, feels like an overwhelming task right now.
Finally I learned that I agree with the more modern perspective of family therapy. Nowadays most theorists recognize how much therapists affect the family. Believe or not, a few decades ago they believed that a family therapist could just be considered an observer and had little or no real effect on how the family functions. Crazy, huh - just going to another person and sharing your deepest darkest feelings effects how a person reacts. Honestly, how could a therapist possibly advocate that therapy works if he is stating he has no effect on the family?
One last thing, I promise. I know this is getting long and I really should get my reading done before my husband gets home. I have found a love in Macro Social Work. Macro is the big picture, it involves everyone from community planners to lobbyists (yeah, scary). The way I am starting to see it is when you're working with the big picture you may have the proper tools to change the picture. Each snapshot of what is going on today differs from the next and if I can help the next snapshot get better, why not?
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